somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
