so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
