I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
