The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
