well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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