You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
