thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
