I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
