am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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