I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I faked an abortion last night.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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