So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
