Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
