I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
