I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
