apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
