Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We talked him into tasing himself.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
