I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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