So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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