Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
