i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
