I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
How does one acquire holy water?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
