I can tuck mytits in my pants
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
