What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
