Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
