Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize