How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
