My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
