he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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