Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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