You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
