Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I think i peed on brittanys purse
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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