Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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