Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
