i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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