Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize