Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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