textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
