i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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