Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
