Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
