If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
