I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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