I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
