see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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