I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
