Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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