Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
