She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
