I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
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