She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
