I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
