I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
