i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
