I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Randomize
