i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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