brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Randomize
