I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
