i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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