I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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