so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
