the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
