I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize