It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
