Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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