just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You need Xanax blowdarts
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
