You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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