I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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