before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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