Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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