do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
