i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
