I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Two words: nipple clamps
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