...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
