So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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