After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
