Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
