and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Randomize
