my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
this beer tastes like vomit already
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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