you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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