who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It's official drugs can't kill me
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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