textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize