It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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