Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
