Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
